smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
