This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
