4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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