I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
