if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
