grandma shit on top of the toilet
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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