So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
