I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
