alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
