You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
