I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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