SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
