I think I won the penis lottery.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
