I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
