you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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