drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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