I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
