Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
