I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
