i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
