Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
