I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
