I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
