I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize