Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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