u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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