Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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