Can i not drive my cunt home
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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