i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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