clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
