Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
