the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
