So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
