Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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