I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
