Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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