Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
