Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
