We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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