So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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