New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
