I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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