I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
