Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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