I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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