I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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