If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
50% drunk capacity currently
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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