listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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