please come you make the beer taste better
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
