im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
