with your own penis?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
