I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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