When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
