Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
