I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
