how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
