how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
