11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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