My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
