Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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