so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
