My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize