You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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